I consider myself to be an expert on this subject having committed so many of the crimes in question myself. I am eternally frustrated by my mystifying inability to look at myself in a mirror and recognise the awful truth. Mirrors may lie horribly but cameras generally don’t and so I have experienced a few shocking revelations over the years.

Celebrity Nightmares

How is it that a reflection can so distort one’s perception of reality? It is entirely possible to look in a mirror and admire your magnificent styling achievements whilst everyone else thinks you need an eye test. If my mind is playing tricks on me then I am certainly not alone. One look at any major movie award ceremony is proof positive that legions of women are getting it horribly wrong.  These events involve a variety of extremely wealthy super stars strutting their stuff on the red carpet. They have ample budgets, they are courted by all the top designers and presumably have access to all the stylists they could possibly need and yet at least half of them always turn up looking hideous.

Solutions

So styling clearly isn’t easy. If your average Hollywood star can’t choose a decent frock then it is little wonder that we all make mistakes. The question is how do we protect ourselves from impending disaster? Personally I have adopted two strategies. Firstly I blatantly try to copy ensembles that I have seen in the media and secondly I have forced myself to closely monitor the reactions of others.

If I see a celebrity, or anyone else for that matter, wearing an outfit that clearly works and which I really like then I try to fashion something similar, albeit on a drastically smaller budget! Looking at other people doesn’t tell you how clothes will look on you but it does give you some valuable hints about things that work well together and a look that makes an impression. (I try not to do boring).  You soon start to build a wardrobe of interesting pieces and find the brands that fit you best.  Celebrities act as good guides to accessorising as well. I always pay attention to their jewellery as well as their clothes and source affordable alternatives like Equilibrium.

The Painful truth

Once I have evolved an outfit I wear it and pay close attention to how people react and to what they say. Silence is definitely a bad sign. If nobody comments on what you are wearing then the outfit is a failure.  It is either nondescript or plain terrible. People will usually make an observation if they are impressed but if they think you look dreadful then they generally steer clear of saying so. Unless, of course, they are my former employee who had Asperger’s Syndrome. This is a condition whose sufferers possess a complete lack of social niceties and an unfortunate propensity to tell the truth. I will never forget the day said gentlemen told a colleague that she looked fat in her dress. It was the first thing he said when she walked in one morning.

So there you have it. The way to ensure that you always step out in style is to find a friend with Asperger’s.  It is a pretty full proof system and certainly more reliable than the mirror. I am only hoping that my latest acquisition, a pair of rather funky Karen Millen metallic jeans, will pass muster. They need the Asperger’s test immediately!

Article by Sally Stacey